i shall conclude that ths week sucked.
it feels awful to be caught in dilemmas and fretting about present regrets and future regrets..being torn away from people you never want to be separated from, finding out, once again, my INsignificance (as always), and seeing so many tearstreaked faces and voices ovr the phones interrupted by sniffs every so often.
i really dont know whats worse.
sometimes i get so weary of being upset i go nuts and get all hyper but jst because im not weeping on the outside it doesnt mean all my negativity has left me. im jst trying to be happy cos i jst want to be happy, but it doesnt help when people kp giving me warped reactions, as though its unacceptable and wrong to be all bubbly at ths point of time.
okay, whatever.
all these aside,
im currently a saint in sa (:|) and though it really doesnt feel right, i dont feel at home, i really hope things will jst work out. im not asking for a miracle, jst to accept the way things have turned out to be. the school is erm, well, TINY and changi hospital ish, but we're shifting to the new compound next year, the sch uniform rocks, and the people seem fun..i hope theyre friendly to the 2nd intake people. sigh. they all seem to have paired up or grown clique-ish.
karen says im antisocial :( im jst very tired of making new friends! sigh. only been hanging out w jiaying, karina, karen and other st nicks people..our clan just shrunk, steph went back to vj and hwing, back in cj. im really elated for them, plainly cos theyre happy, but it sucks to see them go. ive grown so accustomed to seeing hwing everyday in cj, rotting and skipping school/lessons together, our truth/truth sessions, eye candies (all dried up and eaten up, yes haha inside joke), her mp3 rocks, all our jokes and everything that made our friendship up. im gonna miss you girl :(
and i rmb how horrid wednesday was, tears kept welling up. karina, jiaying and i have been such AVID and enthusiastic cjcians (okay, ex-cjcians bt we will not admit tht we were crashing, we belong to tht school okay!), returning back to cj everyday ever so loyally :| ELE I MISS YOU! im eating midget gems now and thinking about our macs days and esp grand stand omgness :(
that freaking grand stand holds too many memories, not only w ele and hwing, but also with the cat high people. so strange, how everything is related in a way.
tell me you dont want me to leave,
just like i dont want to leave you.
ANYWAY. ystd had lunch @ scotts (yami yoghurt!!) w karina and jy (i insist on calling you ths cos we're in primary school) then i showed jy the superbly adorable paul frank bag that steph and i love so dearly, and she ws so annoying flippant about the whole thing i wanted to chop her hands off >:( haha then we met steph and some of her fellow nikkis. stood around for a while thn steph, jy and i bus-ed to nyjc and crashed their orientation. the school compound is so friendly and homely i wish sa ws like ths. i wld have absolutely no complaints if sa ws like tht! but of course there are plus and minus points..haha whn i saw their facils up on stage doing the mass dance it jst reminded me of my own cj orientation jst 2 months ago..but of course, ahem. they were more eye candy ish. hahah. but anyway. seems like the ny people are having fun. apart frm nana. i hope she'll hurry and come to sa pls!!
thn we chomp chomped. sat at some ANT-SY lil porch at the circle and talked and talked and talked..yucks, so sticky and stinky and sweaty and eww. haha returned the rented vcds and we went our own ways..
and ths morning i jst had dim sum with the family.
ate my fill..stomach was bursting and erupting.
haha, havent been eating much nowadays.
TINGS i promise i'll be there for you, you know that. i'll always be waiting for your calls. cheer up, things will get better, i promise. miss you LOTS.
dada another day okay? sorry i cldnt make it! misses :(
oh no, im listening to switchfoot on fire, the song tht don doesnt get. haha. okay i will stop all ths at once..
did i mention it ws a bad week?
but im so sad and despondent too.
